The girl at the party no one remembers

I feel 13 again; my emotions scattered leaves, lifted by the slightest breeze only to drift and fall, waiting for the next force of nature.  My second novel, written in 2015, dormant in a flowery folder, its only contact a yellow duster, has been self published…on Amazon and my dream of reinventing myself has been realised.

Sales don’t matter; but they do matter.  I’m hungry for reviews yet anxious.  I want to actively promote my novel but I don’t want to bore people by harping on about it.

I have a dream that my books will be free to all.  I’ve been the teen with no money, homeless, faceless at school, forgotten the day I walked out the school gates, at 16. My reality is I’m the adult with no money; paper, printer cartridges, photocopying need currency, so for now my books are sold.

What I want to know, like yesterday, is are my NA/YA books worth reading.  Some of you will say yes, some no. I understand the definition of ‘subjective’ well so I don’t take criticism badly – Bitch!

I remain the outsider. Booky people mix with other bookies. Though #Random Attachment is fiction right now I’m Mia ‘always on the outskirts of friendship‘.  I imagine that’s how homeless young adults may feel. Like the girl I saw from afar, sat outside one of Paddington Station’s exits, her bum on the cold, wet pavement, the rain soaking through her jeans and knickers, begging. No one stopped. No one cared.  It’s like Chris Brown’s Beautiful People. Most of us only notice the shiny people.  Ali Land who is startling talented, the author of the brilliant #GoodmeBadme, tweeted a few words of thanks about Crimemass, that was totally lovely and the polite thing to do but it cast a shadow over me.  A 1980’s portal sucked me in, to when I was in love with John Taylor from Duran Duran and I was sleeping in a B&B while listening to the turbulent soundtrack of my parents’ marriage disintegrating.  It made me realise that publishing is a  tight knit group, you can’t bounce in among them singing ‘Here I am. Here’s my novel‘.  I get it.  You have to be invited to the table. You have to write a totally amazing novel. I may never achieve that. I see myself more the Nora Roberts of New/Young Adult.  Perhaps even that is biggin myself up.  I’m definitely one up on Mills & Boon but maybe not quite Courtney Summers.  So you see I need reviews.  I need to work out where my table is because right now, I’m in the queue for free school dinners, and I’m done with lumpy mash potato…although I am partial to chocolate sponge with chocolate custard.

So what do I want?  To make enough money to buy stationery to keep me writing. I want to promote myelopathy.  I want to support my family financially, not frivolously because my main purpose is to invite that homeless girl to my table.

Random Attachment is free on @kindleunlimited I would love if you downloaded it.  If it takes your interest but you can’t afford it message me direct, tell me a little about yourself; only what you want to.  Write a sentence or write a page and if you live in the UK I shall try to get it to you; mention if you hang at any of the YA charities like Centrepoint.  You are under no obligation to review, simply to pass on to the next person who likes reading New Adult romantic thrillers…and is financially challenged. You could always write a comment on the inside cover or a doodle, maybe a pencil heart, I might not see it but your opinion matters. You matter.16 year old me

So this is my action plan. Keep writing. Keep blogging. Keep listening. Keep promoting.

 

 

 

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